he men who have impacted my life are as varied as the phases I went through in high school (the Capri pants and tall sock phase was by far the worst). My dad taught me not to take people's crap; my fiancé taught me that people really can be perverted all the time; Reggie Miller taught me to feign injuries to get what I want.
I learned to take on the man when Jimmy Stewart went to Washington, and I learned how to forgive and forget when Harry Potter named his son Severus.
But the best lesson I ever learned was to laugh at myself (at least as much as I laugh at others). I owe this education to one giant, fiery-haired, spaghetti noodle of a man -- Mr. Conan O'Brien.
To honor the funny man turned corporate punching bag, I've compiled a menu of all of my favorite Conan-inspired things. Consider it a menu to be enjoyed at the funeral of late night.
In the Year 3000 Island Dressing: In the year 3000, this dressing will still look like the gagged-up combo of mayo, ketchup, Tobasco sauce and pickles that it is made of.
The Max Weinburg Special: Just try eating a chicken breast or Heinz's spotted dick without feeling awkward.
Triumph the Insult Corn Dog: Making inappropriate comments to women becomes much easier while chomping on an apropos prop.
Conando Supreme: Todo es mejor en español. Bailé con el pepino. ¿Vea?
Masturbating bear claws: Perfect for those times you just want to enjoy a little solo satisfaction.
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